Why you can't go to bed early

You've ben feeling exhausted all day, and yet, when the evening comes, you just can't get yourself to go to bed. You don't do anything special, you're just scrolling, watching another episode, playing, pottering about... and suddenly, it's past midnight again.

I want to preface this by saying that I'm not about to make you feel guilty about it. The evening is often the only time we have for ourselves (there's even a really cool term for this phenomenon: Revenge Bedtime Procrastination - the act of pushing back our bedtime because we feel like we didn't get any time for ourselves during the day.)

Also, our brain didn't receive any signal that the day is over. We need a buffer zone between "doing" and "sleeping".

Our days used to have natural transitions, like the commute home or the light fading. Now we go straight from laptop to phone to bed, and expect our nervous system to switch off on command. And unfortunately, it doesn't work so well.

One of my clients told me that for 10 years, her standard was 5 hours of sleep every night. She didn't even notice anymore how exhausted she was, because feeling like poo was her new normal. Now she wants to be able to go to bed "without telling myself that I forgot to do this, and that, and that too".

So, we're building her a buffer. And I'm going to share with you what we came up with.

A three-step ritual

1. Write down whatever is on your mind.The idea is to extract whatever is doing circles inside your brain and put it on paper (or phone, whatever works). Maybe it's a short journaling session about your day. Maybe it's planning the following day. Maybe it's some self-reflection (if you like this idea, you're going to love my Put Yourself First challenge, where I send you 15 self-reflection prompts, 1 per day).The content doesn't matter, as long as it feels helpful for you.
2. Move gently for a few minutes.Slow breathing, introspective and relaxing postures. We want to increase our parasympathetic ("rest and digest") activity, to send the signal to our brain that it's time to slow down.If you don't want to have to think about it, I've prepared a 12-day Night Ritual program that will take you right where you need to be every night ☺️
3. Lights off.Don't check your phone one last time before going to bed, I'm begging you! Brush your teeth and jump in your bed for a well-deserved rest.

As always, what matters is that you find something that works for you, so you can repeat it every night and turn it into a real ritual. A signal that your brain understands right away.

(And if your sleep troubles persist, please do speak to your GP.)

Clem

PS: I'm curious, what time is your "I really should go to bed" moment? For me, it's 10pm. I know that if I stay up much later than that, the "sleep train" will leave the station and it's going to take a while before the next one comes 🥲 What about you?