Sympathy, empathy or compassion?

How can we avoid letting other people's emotions affect our own mental state?

I recently had a few people telling me their manager struggles with dealing with their own stress, which puts a lot of pressure on their team.

I've been there before and it's not fun.

Whether it's your boss or your partner going through a stressful time... it can take a serious toll on both your relationship and your mental health.

So how do we avoid letting this happen?

It's important to differentiate 3 things: sympathy, empathy and compassion.

• Sympathy is when you feel the other person’s emotion. You take it on as your own. (I am stressed with you)
• Empathy is when you act like a mirror. You understand the emotion but you keep a certain distance from it. (I can see you are stressed.)
• With compassion, there’s an added layer of wanting to help the other person, of meaning well. (I see your stress and I want to support you.)

So when someone is stressed, we want to express empathy or compassion towards them.

We don’t want to take on their stress, but we can still make them feel understood and even supported. (If only so that they're less of a pain in the arse).

To be able to do that from a place of calm (instead of absorbing their stress like a sponge), it starts with our own relationship to ourselves.

Being able to understand our own emotions and allow them to be processed in a healthy way. Because if they're not, of course we will feel overwhelmed and controlled by them.

And how could we have the emotional flexibility to process other people’s emotions in a healthy way... if we can't deal with our own emotions?

As always, a healthy relationship to ourselves is the foundation for a healthy relationship with others.

It’s a process, it takes time.

Yoga is an incredible tool for this, as it teaches us to be present and listen.

But what can we do today if we're in this situation?

Why not try expressing compassion towards the person while setting strong boundaries.

You can communicate that to them: "I can see you are stressed, I am here for you, but this particular behaviour isn’t helpful." (Let's point out one behaviour in particular instead of a general "you're stressing me out!!!" that will make them raise their defences 😂)

It's also a good idea to have resources in your personal life that will replenish your energy. Your yoga practice, time with your family, a creative hobby... Because let's be clear: a stressed person is an energy drain.

And then, I recommend you include more mindfulness practices in your routine. It'll help you learn to deal with your own emotions and build your ability to be more compassionate with yourself and others.

I hope this helps. I'm always here for any questions you might have.

Take care 🧡

Clem

PS: If you've found this interesting, you'll love listening to my podcast! This question was from the last Q&A episode: Q&A #30 - Dealing with rumination & resisting other people's stress